i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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