So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
