o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
