and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You made out with two different species that night
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?