Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
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her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
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I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?