I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum