break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH