I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
