I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
