What tipped you off? The sombrero?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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