i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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