Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I would ride that face into the sunset
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
