I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
