Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
