We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
