who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
