If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
