I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
