i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
