I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
