I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
