My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
