she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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