is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
