Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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