my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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