Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i think im in europe. pls send help
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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