If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I believe in your delicious
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
