you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
