Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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