remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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