Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Mom said you looked used
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize