Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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