I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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