I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
