It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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