i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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