Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
