I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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