if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
