i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
