Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
