Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
