when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
