I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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