My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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