Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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