Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
