Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize