And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
