I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
