just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
