Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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