Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
