I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
