His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
