don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
