My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
