omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
