i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
