I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
