i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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