apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
