I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
