We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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