Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
