Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
