does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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