Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
