I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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