I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
