You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
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so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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