Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
