He disabled his match.com account in front of me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
