there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
