I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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