i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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