I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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