im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
