Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
